Thursday, November 08, 2007


Today I had lunch with a friend at Atomic Cowboy. I wish I'd brought my camera. I cannot seem to remember to bring it. But I would have gone to the patio in the back and taken some it is, I was so taken with conversation with my friend that I didn't even go see the patio myself. I had intended to. Sometimes the best intentions get put to the side for other things.

Back at home, I sat on my tiny front porch thinking about having what I want and wanting what I have. I have a beautiful, fire-red tree in the yard next to mine...I sat and enjoyed it's beauty. It's not mine but I can still have it. I can still have the joy of seeing it "be" there. I don't have to own it to love it. It gave me great pleasure to see it's radiance. I was lulled into a gentle peacefulness just sitting on my little porch seeing what was...just being in the moment. I love it when I can be in the's not often. It is, in fact, all any of us have but it's easy to forget that and mentally charge into the future dragging along all our worrisome baggage with us.

I'm pretty good, really, at wanting what I have. I appreciate, deeply, everything of beauty, order and tranquility that I have. I can even find those qualities in things that don't seem to inherently possess them. What I am struggling with is having what I want. There is something I want that I just cannot have. I am fighting against accepting that. It's no good, let me tell you, to do that.
Acceptance is what I strive for...some things are more difficult to accept than others. I always talk the good talk with my Picasso quote, "If you don't have red, use blue." but dammit when you want red, you just want red. I know there is lots of blue out there and I guess I'll have to see about putting that quote into practice. It just may be that blue turns out to be a pretty wonderful color that I'm glad I used after all. But if that red is ever in my palette, I am gonna use it to paint this (or some) town the brightest red you've ever seen.

Enjoy "my" tree...


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