Sunday, October 14, 2007


You know, I don't usually need a reminder of how wonderful my life is, how lucky and blessed I am with what I have and how honored I am to have the people in my life that I do have.

(If YOU are reading this, you can stop reading now...I'm writing this for me just because I need to do it).

Today, I need that reminder. Oh, indeed, I need that reminder today. Everything I did today, every place I went reminded me of this: "yes, Lois, you are living alone."

At my newly-favorite crepe place there were smiling couples doing nothing more than what couples who are in love do...just enjoying their time together, eating, talking, being happy to be together. Simple fun experienced by lovers... but today it was just too much.

At my work at least two couples came in looking for plants...the joy they seemed to feel in being together was apparent. They held hands, they smiled at each other, they shared private observations. It was so nice to see...and suddenly, so sad. Sad, 'cause that isn't happening in my life just now.

I guess for a long time I've been waiting. For what, I'm not sure. But I'm thinking that I am done waiting. I have lately been reminded of how lovely it can be to enjoy a man's company (and I'm not talking sex, here, I'm talking company...although sex might always be at the back of one's mind).

So, today brought a lot of thought about how I go about getting the kind of companionship I want. I think in the past I settled for less than I know I deserve. Everyone really deserves the kind of person they want. I don't want to settle again. I want the real thing. I want to hold hands with someone I care about as we walk down the street, doing nothing but simply enjoying being together.

I've been hanging out with myself for a long time now and I think I am aware of both my gifts and my faults.
I know that I'm a cute enough gal, not beautiful but I won't put someone's eyes out. I'm pretty smart. I can be pleasantly entertaining. I know how to give and take in conversation and in other aspects of a relationship. I can be a bit pushy. I love debate. Etc. etc. etc. So, I know who I am but do I know who I want to be with? Now that's another question.

Maybe that's why I do not meet anyone. Maybe I am too picky. Well, so be it. I'm not willing to be with some beer-belly, conversational grunt who's most exciting evening includes a big night of football in the bark 'o lounger. I just don't want that at all. I want a brilliant, sweet, kind, interesting, responsible, compassionate man with a big view of life. Asking too much? I don't think so. I know there are men out there just like that.

Hell, I've even given up the idea of meeting someone who shares my ideas on vegetarian living. Now, that's a big one for me.

I guess I just had too many reminders today of how happy two people can be and what fun it can be to hang out with someone that you care for...just doing simple things, just doing nothing. The contrast of my life and what I imagined their's to be was big.

So, I'm officially not waiting any longer...whatever in the Hell that means. I just know I am SO ready for that person who wants to know me and wants to be known by me as deeply as two human beings can know each other.

In my life, in the past, when I have really put my intention out there, something happens. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I haven't lost that ability.

Oh, and what does this have to do with this particular blog? Well, nothing. I just needed to write this down somehow to make it was just causing me such distress and writing it down helps sometimes. And...

at the new crepe place...the eggs are, indeed, free range (according to the manager) so if I feel the need for an egg some morning, finally, a place where I can have one. There, there's the connection to the blog.


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