LIFE COMES ON

In the middle of my planning a trip and writing poems and day-dreaming about what might be, I received the news that my brother had committed suicide.

I have barely been able to put this event into any kind of place in my life. I struggled with the why's and the reasons that he might have done this. I'll never know. I was very sad. I thought of how very sad and lost he must have felt to do such an act.

I guess at one time or another just about everyone has considered how the world might go on without them. But most go on with their lives dealing with the pain and the disappointments that come. Some do not. That's what I've had to accept about my brother. He decided not to go on. For him, I guess, this was the least painful way to deal with the things that gave him pain and disappointment.

I keep his memory in my heart. I keep his playful spirit, as a little boy, in my mind. I release him to a less painful (and at least in my imagination, a more beautiful) place. I wish I could have helped.

I simply wish that I'd had some way of knowing that this way coming...some way of helping him make another decision but I didn't. This makes me very sad.

I thank all my friends and acquaintances for the help and support that they've offered me since this very sad event. I will always be thankful to you all.